eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
