They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
