he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
