I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
