my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
