she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
