The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The struggles of a small town man whore
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
