We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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