Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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