btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
