your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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