Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
