My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
