Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
