Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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