where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
