last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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