It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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