Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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