How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
