The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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