I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
