I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
