dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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