Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize