I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
