His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
