I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I AM VODKA MAN
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
