As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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