i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
