booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
