Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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