Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
