is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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