Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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