Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
