Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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