i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
