come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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