Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
