literally had 100 drinks last night.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
