It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
