I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
