I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Found the puke drawer
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
