woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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