I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
