just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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