The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
