i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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