It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
