Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
