PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
