my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
