it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
