Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
