I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
