i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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