Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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