I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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