my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
