I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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