I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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