I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
