wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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