I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
