Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
