OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i believe in u and ur pee
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
