Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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