Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If that was your dad, he is hot
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
