I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
