True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
