Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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