I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize