his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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