I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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