I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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