just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
