We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize