Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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