Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
