Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
