First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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