i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize