Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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