What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
