in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
