hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
