my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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