There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
