We're facebook friends in real life
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
