i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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