Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
