Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
