Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
