Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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