forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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