We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
