Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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