If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
