and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
