My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
