I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
