She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
