Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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