i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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