I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
