We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize